10:48AM….Oh I have just been able to upload again, I don’t know why all of a sudden it is working each time that I connect to the internet. I had a nice relaxing day yesterday, and I have done all the cleaning and washing clothes and stuff like that, that I do every Monday. I may have sweated my ass off but at least it is all done now and I can relax for the rest of the day, I have to find other things to do than writing today maybe just some colouring maybe but that’s better than nothing. I am not so manic today but that’s not a bad thing because that means that my mind wont be so all over the place and that’s always good. Okay I am going to have some chippies to munch on and then I am not sure what I will do exactly. Catch ya later.
10:52AM…. OMFG the page is taking for ever to post that I am not even sure that it is working, I mean 3 days of connecting I knew it was too good to be true. Yep it was too good to be true.
11:55AM….Well I don’t know if I should try the connecting to the internet today or just giving it a miss and just writing my little bit and then close up the page. I am trying to psych myself up to get up and go out for a ride up or down the water-front, most likely I will head up to the Bongaree end because it is very nice up there and very quiet. At least up there I can just mellow out and I was going to take some photos up there but I have forgotten again where I put the damn thing after I just found it again, which really pisses me off. But I have to stop looing it all the time before I can go anywhere.
1:31PM…Okay I just went out to put the sprinkler on to make the ground moist cause it is so dry and it really needed it out the front, then I started talking with N next door. Then I had the urge to start sawing back the mess of weeds that are out the front and before you knew it time had flown by and we had cut down nearly all the shit. Yes I just looked out there and there is still some crap in the garden that I need to go out and chop right now because it still doesn’t look any good much anymore, yet so I will be back in a moment when I do these last little bits.
1:47PM….Well I should have left it alone because I just scratched the hell out of my leg so much that it is bleeding and it really stings a lot damn it, but I got rid of all the long scraggly bits that were really getting on my nerves sticking out like it was. You see it was all these long thin stick pieces that were still in the garden and if I didn’t cut them know then they wouldn’t get in the rubbish for tomorrow and then they would be left hanging about in the damn garden for the next 2 weeks until it is recycling bin day again and I might not get the boost of motivation and energy. I know my back will be killing me tomorrow, but it is really stinging where I scratched myself and is only relieved when I put pressure on it to temporarily Hopefully if I take a painkiller it may stop it from hurting the way it is, okay I hope it starts working real soon because it is really stinging worse than I have ever felt before, but I will minimise it by keeping it covered because if the air doesn’t blow against it, it seems to sting a little less. Oh I hate that I hurt myself trying to make my garden look nice and tidy instead of over-run with weeds because I really want my garden looking so nice and looking pretty, well at least I am going to try and make it look nice. N and I are going to chop all the weeds we pulled today, when it gets a little later and darker so that it will fit in the bins to be emptied tomorrow. Then she is going to thread and tie the passion-fruit vine over to my side on the one tree I am leaving to make like some sort of garden arch and she is going to do the same out the back over the path between our 2 places. Okay I am of to looing again and then I will do some reading and writing and wait for the looing to stop and then I will head off on my scooter for a trip down to Bongaree.
12:37PM…OMFG I am sweating so damn bad right now because I just finished up the stuff from yesterdays gardening endeavour, and it was a lot more than I thought there was to start with. I am really pissed because my neighbour helped but also put her stuff in with mine and then when it was time to cut it all up she went out to dinner and I had to start on my own. When she did come home it was dark and I had been cutting the garden rubbish down to small pieces so it would fit in the bin better, she just pushed it in as a whole no cutting or anything and then she said I could rack it all up in the morning and there was so much left to do that the garden bin is over flowing and I am stuffed. Oh my I am so exhausted and that’s the end of me.
11:00AM… Well I am not going to type much here because I spent too much time writing in my paper journal and here, as well as colouring and my little exploring ride, I didn’t do much of anything else so I wasn’t learning or any of that. Oh dear I guess I have been procrastinating because I am worried about not being able to do everything properly or find the spiritual stuff I am looking for, especially this map of the soul book. I have been trying to get into this book about mapping my souls journey and doing a contract with my soul, and I have been lacking with my faith lately because I have been being positive all the time and still things haven’t been going the best. I am going to keep being positive though and not let the little things get in the way of that, and keep pushing forward, so I really need to get into the nitty gritty of the book and do what has to be done, because I believe that I am on this earth for a spiritual reason. I know I am meant to be here in some sort of healing way but I have been put down for so much of my life but I will keep fighting. Okay I need to get into it or I will be procrastinating all day yet again so I need to read and then get into it.
2:06PM…Oh dear, I need to get back and do some drawing and then I am going to get into more of my book reading and then I will have to start writing the notes that I have been making in the book. I am so damn tired because I had to get a start on the bark chips because there is so damn much and I started last night and then I did the rest this morning. I am in so much pain right now but I haven’t had any of the strongest pain killers yet so that I can take them when the pain so gets so bad that I cant take it anymore. My nerves are really playing up right now, that the dropsies are being really bad and I keep typing what I don’t want and I really hate it. So hopefully we get it all done tonight and then I can take the painkillers and end all the twitchies and dropsies, cause they really suck big time.
7:27AM…Well it is way to early for me to type very much here and because I haven’t had my medication until this morning after many days and the pain I am feeling I really badly have the dropsies and twitchies and I keep typing wrong letters everywhere on the last few pages that I have typed up and I have lots to write and I am feeling very pissed off. Because I am typing wrong letters or accidentally tapping the caps lock and when I write I keep making big marks and scratches across the pages and words turning into damn scribble. If I keep doing it I am going to have to go to the damn doctors, damn this fucking dropsies and twitchies are getting annoying, it should have only taken a minute to type this but it has taken 9 damn minutes to type because of fixing the mistakes, catch you this arvo or tonight.
1:34PM…OMFG I can hardly believe that the day is nearly gone by and I haven’t felt like really doing anything at all, and I just want to curl up and melt away. I guess I am on the downward swing of my up down bipolar, but is not that bad because I am staying with my meds, I just feel a little listless but that could also be because I haven’t had my fizzy vitamins for a quite a few days, but I will have them right now.
Okay they are done and hopefully I will remember to keep taking them and hopefully that will build my energy up. Okay I will sign off from here.
1:43PM…It is a really friggin hot day again today but because I already used my scooter to go to my job network appointment this morning so I can’t get out again today. So I will wait to see how tomorrow panes out and whether it is hot or not to decide if I will go down to the beach or just stay at home, it’s just I don’t feel like doing much of anything. I had some really up days where I used a lot of energy and enthusiasm and now I have hit some days of not wanting to do anything not even write. But right now I really feel good because I just got pushed to the top of the pain management list and I have an appointment on the 4th April at 1pm so I can get somewhere with this pain but also means a lot of travel to hospitals but I am going to ask my doctor to arrange transportation for it so I don’t have to make my own way and it won’t cost me a fortune, yippee yay.
12:50PM… I am not going to write much here because it is Sunday and that is my day for relaxation and I am thinking about going to woolies and getting some more popcorn. Oh well that’s really it for me today. Maybe I might go down to the water-front because it does look so good maybe the popcorn will wait for tomorrow.